DOA - Dead or Alive review

DOA - Dead or Alive is base on a video game ( so i was told ) about an annual martial arts tournament on a desserted island where top fighters across the region gathered in an attempt to beat the hell out of each other's guts and other appendages to win a whooping prize of $10,000,000.
It focuses more on few attractive looking ladies featuring Devon Aoki ( who could have forget her from 2Fast2Furious ) , Holly Valance ( australian singer turned actress - obviously the hottest of all among the ladies ) , Jaime Pressly and Sarah Carter.

The movie - with it's fighting scenes cheorographed by self-acclaimed famous "40 plus and-i-still-think-i-m-hot year old Corey Yuen" certainly left me, if not all those gaming fans left DEAD rather than alive.

Yes, apart from boasting one of the few movies which includes a list of pretty faces - the ladies and extra scintillating bathing scenes, this movie is totally BULLSHIT as it's best.

1. STUPID SCENES:

- The part where Princess Kasumi or Cockisme skipping over the heads of the whole dumb kneeling imperial army of hers and then soaring over the hills does not even make sense at all. She could had easily ordered the gates to be opened but then she chosed otherwise. What does this part meant actually? Where did she went to actually? How was she able to perform such gravity-defying stunts? This quetions were not elaborated at all.

- Introduction was too brief to my liking and it was as if you were watching another version of Charlie's Angels but with better looks. Charlie Angels are stupid by the way.

- Scene where Holly Valance ( Yes, i didn't bother remembering their character's names as it's just plain silly ) let her brassiere dropped kindly onto her full cup tofus was indeed remarkable.( Straight after finishing off 3 guys after shower , don't get me wrong, she beat them , not the finishing-off you perverts are thinking about ). Scenes such as this is just a waste of time and of cause , does actually affect the minds of the young raging hormones. Couldn't the directors/producers come out with better scenes than this?

- This movie overall focuses more tits & ass than any other family movies(suitable for young viewers) approved.

- Every guy gets beaten up bad by hot nubile chicks? That's crazy. Has the producer just suck up more estrogen than he had earlier thought.

- Scene where the bikini-clad ladies were in for some round of volleyball? They even had time for some beachwear? In a so called DEAD or ALIVE tournament? Please....


2. LACK OF DEPTH:

- Storyline was vague. Not good at all. D to be extremely frank . Charlie Angels infact beat DOA to a close C. It's supposed to be a violent movie with blood splathered all around , but i saw none. Not even a drip of nosebleed.

- Characters didn't built their own storyline to the best they possibly could. I regard it as a fact the producing team refer US; viewers as eye-candy lovers and the how-she-was-born-n-bred & how-a-pretty-chick-end-up-in-a-sea-sunbathing does not matter at all.

- The Plot was written badly, for the 1st 20 minutes, i had to figure hard what on earth were they doing. Yes, pretty girls kicks the hell out of bad guy's asses after having their own privacy violated- i understand. Talking about the violation of privacy, i didn't see how they mind first by flaunting their assets. Insane!

- Princess Cockisme ( Kasumi )'s non-stop whining about avenging her brother's death and the sudden appearance of her brother at the end of the show. Bad guy ( my memory failed me this time ) eventually released Princess Kesumi's brother after a year just to had everyone witness them fight. For crying sake, he even had the stupidity to boast, i quote: " I had kept him here ( inside a vault ), fighting fit/battle ready/[ insert prefered caption here] for A YEAR just for this. Let me recap, before Princess Kesumi arrived, her brother has long gayish-girly hair and when the vaults were open for the 1st time, her brother's hair were clean shaven. Talking about critical analycist.

3. LAME JOKES:

- A good humorous movie should have jokes of all sorts all the way. Not this. The jokes were rather suggestive in way. The part where Holly Valance instructed the MALE ( What's wrong with the producer anyway? Taking out on us males ), to buckle up her bra clip for her and proceed by presenting a sweet chin music or was it which were met by a round of applause from
obviously the group of single & unattractive ladies at the back of my seat.

- Well, that's the only joke i spotted.


All in all, i could not go any longer trying to recall what happened in the movie, and i am using the term "movie" loosely just because it's regarded by the shallow publics as one. It would serve as a fitting tribute towards another failed attempt on racking up money through the minds of the public who are more Tits & Ass attracted.

If you are asking for a credible , smooth storyline and a good acting, i say you are asking way too much.

But if you in are for some S & M activities and any other demoralizing acts, this is worth a shot.
















Holly Valance engaging in the art of S & M.




Adams movie rating: half a star.